


The embarrassing thing about jeans

by Goat_in_a_coat



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Star Trek: The Next Generation, X-Men (Movieverse), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: A very mysterious being who cannot be identified, Crack, Cursed Knowledge, Gen, Is there a plot?, Jean Kirstein curses a lot, Jeans, Levi is a troll, Sorry Jean, Which One?, absolute crack, an Ambitious Crossover Event, aot spoilers, born off of those wild 3am thoughts, dont pay too much attention to how much time has passed, for no other reason than that i think it's funny, i guess i should tag spoilers, it's the junderpants for me, jean jackets, look i know that they're all pronounced differently but roll with it, misuse of time and continuity, one (1) accidental Lego Movie reference, operating off extremely limited knowledge in all fandoms, other not-so accidental references, save me from my awful sense of humor, that is yet to be determined, various articles of clothing but they're jeans, you'll find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26563051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goat_in_a_coat/pseuds/Goat_in_a_coat
Summary: A mysterious being summons multiple people to a mysterious location. What do they have in common?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. The First Two

When It happened, Jean was grabbing a cup of coffee. Well, one of them was. Another was sleeping. Another was heading down the hall to work, Another was in the middle of a rather delicate experiment. Whoops!

None of them were within sight of any bystanders. No one saw them disappear. But as for evidence...Well, that’s a different story.

Jean Havoc dropped his coffee. The carpet in the office is probably stained. The Lieutenant is going to chew someone out for that, and it’s probably going to be Jean. Despite the fact that there is no proof that he was actually there. Yikes, he’s going to get shot.

Jean Grey left behind some volatile chemicals. They may or may not explode if left unattended. Gah. It’ll be fine, though, Logan could probably use the excitement. He’ll take care of it, or maybe Scott will. They’re both totally whipped, in any case.

Jean Kirstein departed from some rather conspicuous empty bedding. Nobody would ever really accuse him of deserting, mostly because his face is too scary, but Jean’s bladder is fairly famous for its size, and no one would believe that he had gone to take a leak. Especially not heichou. 

Jean-Luc Picard abandoned a set of footprints in his ship’s carpeted hallway that mysteriously cut off with no sign of the creator turning back or continuing on his way.  
On a side note, who carpets a spaceship?

They did not all arrive There (Or is it Here? Or Wherever?) at the same time. The Being who had summoned them had a rather... odd...sense of humor, paired with a rather odd sense of continuity. This meant that what the Being saw as simultaneous could actually register as minutes, hours, or even years apart for your average mortal. And one could never tell if the Being was doing such things on purpose.

That being said, it did not take years for the four of them to meet. Instead, it happened over a period of about 15 minutes.

Jean Kirstein arrived first, although his arrival was rather boring. After all, he was asleep. Jean Havoc arrived approximately 4 minutes later. His arrival was significantly more interesting. If you could call it that. If anything, it was about one hundred times louder.

As you may or may not recall, Jean Havoc had dropped a cup of coffee in transit, and had stained the carpet in his team’s office. Unfortunately for Jean (perhaps both of them who were present There at the moment), not all of the coffee made it onto the carpet. Some of it landed on Jean Havoc’s pants. It was very, very hot.

What follows has been censored in order to preserve the delicate sensibilities of anyone who wishes to have their delicate sensibilities preserved. Additional information on the dialogue that follows can be gathered by either A) spilling hot coffee on your pants, 2) riding a particularly violent roller coaster without the use of a seatbelt, III) realizing that you have spilled coffee on the carpet and are likely going to get killed by a superior officer, Four) finding yourself in an unrecognizable place when you have to be at work in less than 30 seconds, or √25) All of the above.

Maybe you could give Jean Havoc a pass for the frankly foul words that passed his lips.

“F%^#! HOUNDS OF @#$#% M*&^%$-F%^#ING BURNING B%*&^# FROM THE DEPTHS OF F%^#ING B%*&^# H@*^%! GO S#$% A M*&^%$-F%^#ING @$#% D*&%, @&&$%^#!”

It was quite loud. 

Have you ever been sleeping, and then had someone start screaming curses into your ear? It’s not a very gentle waking experience. In fact, one could say it is distinctly rude, and disorienting to boot. Now imagine you are a hot-headed child(teen?)-soldier with buckets of combat experience and a hefty dislike of being awoken by shouting. After all, that usually means that you’re about to die, watch your friends die, get eaten by a big hot smelly giant, or watch your friends get eaten by a big hot smelly giant, or watch your friend turn into a big hot smelly giant. (There is another option here that you do not wish to consider, but it remains true, nonetheless.)

Now imagine that you awaken to aforementioned screaming, and see the source of said screaming is a man, about six feet away from you, who is in the process of tearing off his pants. (The coffee was VERY hot, and despite all evidence to the contrary so far, Jean Havoc is a somewhat practical man.)

That above imagining describes Jean Kirstein’s psyche in a concise, however incomplete manner. And Jean Kirstein is nothing if not reactive. 

However, Jean Kirstein’s vocabulary is not quite so expansive as that of Jean Havoc’s. It might be the result of being a child soldier, although a certain person from Jean Havoc’s world might disprove that quite nicely. 

“F%^# S#^$ F%^# S#^$ F%^# S#^$ F%^# S#^$ F%^# S#^$ F%^# S#^$ F%^# S#^$!!!”  
Someone, somewhere, is laughing about all of this.


	2. Another Pair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are again~~

The scream-fest lasted for no more than a single minute, after which Jean Havoc realized that he was not the only one screaming, and Jean Kirstein ran out of breath (aka, he got bored of screaming the same two words over and over). 

The two men proceeded to stare at each other, mouths agape, for a solid 15 seconds. Then, they both glanced to their surroundings, and then back at the person in front of them, and then whipped their heads around to gape at their surroundings again. This sequence of actions was repeated several times, and gave the impression of twin chickens with short-term memory problems.

After such, a total of 7 minutes had passed since Jean Kirstein’s initial arrival, and another Jean was added into the mix.

Jean Grey liked to think of herself as a practical woman. She considered the facts of a situation, and made logical conclusions and then decisions based off of these facts. But presently, she found herself at a dearth of facts. She resolved to solve this immediately.

She was, it appeared, in the center of a room painted the most lurid shade of green that she had ever experienced. The room was windowless, but had a high ceiling and was quite large, probably around 30 meters square. There was a large, old fashioned wooden door that she could make out on the wall to her left, and to her right, there were two men. 

They were both panting, and had not seemed to notice her yet. Jean quickly assessed their threat level. They were both tall and, from what she could see, muscular. Come to think of it, they also looked...remarkably similar. Perhaps they were related? One of the men was wearing an elaborate uniform--sans pants, which he seemed to be holding a bit limply in one hand--made of blue fabric with gold braiding over the right shoulder. Jean absently noted the markings on the uniform identified it as belonging to a second lieutenant. So, trained military, most likely carrying a firear- 

Wait. Was that…?

Yes, the man’s firearm was attached to his belt. Which was attached to his pants, which he was not wearing. Good. He did not have easy access to the gun, and most likely would not be able to shoot at a moment’s notice. (In another world, a certain woman fingers her own gun. Someone has done something wrong, she just knows it. She will have to shoot them later.)

The other man seemed to be much younger, maybe still in his teens. He was wearing simple clothes made out of rustic cloth, and they did not appear to have any pockets, which drastically decreased the chance of him having a concealed weapon. He also was not wearing shoes. In any case, Jean thought, she would be able to neutralise either or both of them with her telekinesis if need be. Jean decided that it was safe for her to approach.

“Gentlemen, if you could stop gaping like fish, do you happen to have a clue of where we might be?” She addressed the men, turning her head to the right. Despite her request, neither of them ceased to gape. Instead, they just stared at her in place of one another.

The silence stretched a little longer, becoming awkward. Jean shifted uncomfortably (yes, all of them). Suddenly, the pants-less man spoke up.

“What the- Where the hell did you come from, lab coat lady?!”

The teenager seemed angered by this, somehow.

“What do you mean, you pervert?! Where the hell did you come from?! And why did you just take off your pants? And why is it so _green_?!”

The pants-less man started.

“My...pants?”

He looked down at his bare legs. His face flushed. 

“WHERE ARE MY PANTS?”

“IN YOUR HAND, GENIUS!” The teenager screamed back.

Jean brought her hand up to her face with a heavy sigh. It had been just 8 minutes (per her internal clock) and she could already tell that, as usual, she was surrounded by idiots. She could feel a migraine coming on. 

“All pants aside, you still haven’t answered my question. Do you have any idea where we are?” 

“That, madam, is an excellent question.” said a voice from behind her.

Jean whirled around, hand outstretched. She could hear startled yelps coming from the other men, who were now behind her (because she had turned 180 degrees. Wheee, math!).

“Peace, dear, I mean you no harm.” The owner of the voice was an older, bald man dressed in a red uniform shirt with black pants with a strange pin on the-- Hang on. 

“Charles? How did you get here?”

The man looked at her strangely, and raised an eyebrow.

“Charles? I’m afraid that I do not go by that name. You see, I am Jean-Luc Picard,”  
Jean inhaled sharply. How curious. “Captain of the Starship Enterprise. Our crew is on a five year exploration mission--”

“NO WAY! Your name is Jean?” Interrupted the pants-less man. 

“Well, it’s Jean-Luc, but-”

“That’s such a coincidence! My name is also Jean! Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, at your service!” Jean Grey’s mouth dropped open slightly.

“That’s SHIT! You all are messing with me! You BOTH can’t be named Jean!” The teenager yelled. “I’M Jean!” Jean Grey did a double take. She was beginning to think that this wasn’t a coincidence.

“Aah, excuse me. My name is also Jean. Well, I don’t pronounce it that way. Mine rhymes with bean. Jean. It’s, ah, still spelled the same way, though.”

The newly named Jean-Luc looked pensive.

“That’s...interesting, to say the least. I suppose that would be the link between all of us. The next order of business would be to figure out where we are, wouldn’t it?”

“Don’t you dare tell me what to do, old man!” Teen Jean screeched. Meanwhile, pants-less Jean Havoc looked gobsmacked. Jean Grey was beginning to think it was his default expression. Jean-Luc raised an eyebrow. 

“I presume you want to get out of here, wherever it is? That you wish to get back to where you were before?” 

Teen Jean rolled his eyes and grumbled under his breath. 

“Fine.” He huffed.

“There’s a door, over there, if you’re interested?” suggested Jean Havoc, gesturing to said door. 

“Aah, yes, a door.” Jean-Luc replied, making his way over to the wooden door. “A reliable source of exit, and egress, an escape, a-” he opened the door. “Closet? Oh, this complicates things.”

“Did you say closet?” Jean Grey questioned questioningly. “What’s inside?” 

“Erm, well, it appears to be, ahh…” Jean-Luc hesitated. 

“What is it, old man? Spit it out already, why don’t you?” said Teen Jean derisively.

“Jeans.” Jean-Luc responded. “It’s a closet full of jeans. Well, not just jeans. There appears to be a few shirts in here, and some hats as well. And goodness, is that--never mind. All the garments in this closet appear to be made of denim.”

“You’re joking.” Jean Havoc blurted.

“I’m afraid I am not, Second Lieutenant. Come and see for yourselves if you do not believe me.”

The Jeans clustered around the closet door. True to Jean-Luc’s word, the closet was filled with all kinds of clothing, all colored in the unmistakable blue of denim.

“That’s fucking weird.” Proclaimed Teen Jean flatly.

“Indeed, it is quite...strange, to say the least.” Jean Grey agreed.

“Oh! I see you all have found my glorious wardrobe!” Exclaimed an altogether too-cheerful voice from behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> character development? who's she? i only know K O M E D Y  
> thought process:  
> 1\. jeans  
> 2\. ???  
> 3\. profit!  
> the Being has no need for your petty concept of gender.


	3. There are Two More (but not quite)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More. Jeans.

All of the Jeans turned 180 degrees (the closet is now behind them! Wheee, math again!).

“All of these people appearing out of nowhere cannot be good for my heart.” Muttered Jean Havoc.

“Ah! Sorry about that! I meant for all of you to show up at the same time!” the figure said brightly. “Or did I? I can’t remember either way! Anyway, what’s done is done! Or is it?” 

The figure that was the source of the voice seemed to be clad entirely in denim. They wore a denim jacket, a denim shirt, a sort of denim cloak, a cap that also seemed to be made of denim, and, of course, they were wearing jeans. 

“Who the fuck are you?!” Teen Jean vociferated. 

“Me? Oh, I’m sure I have a name, although it does seem that I have forgotten it! How inconvenient! You can refer to me instead as the Jean Lord, or perhaps the God of Jeans. Or maybe even...Jeansus? I am also rather partial to the name Neo, for some reason. I am the Being that brought you all here! Since you are all named Jean, I have a limited amount of control over your location in space-time, so I brought you all to this little pocket universe so that we all could have some fun together!”

All the Jeans looked slightly disgruntled by this. Jean Havoc raised his hand.

“Jean Lord, I have a question.”

“Go right ahead!”

“Do you have control over this place?”

“Yes, I do! That can be ascertained by the fact that I brought my wardrobe here, the one you fellows were just admiring!”

“Uh huh, sure. Why is it so green?”

The Being/Jean Lord/God of Jeans/Jeansus/Neo tapped a finger against their chin. Jean Havoc noticed that their fingernails were also painted with a denim pattern.

“Yes, I suppose that it doesn’t quite fit, does it? Although green _does_ rhyme with Jean...no, I shall have to make a change.”

The Being snapped their fingers, and the room instantly changed color from the lurid green to--you guessed it---denim blue.

There was an audible sigh of relief, almost as if the room itself was relaxing from holding up such an...exciting...color for so long.

“Pardon me, if I could pose a question as well? Jean-Luc asked, contemplatively.

The Jean-Being nodded.

“You say that you have control over jeans, and since we are all named Jean, you have control over us, correct?”

“That’s right!”

“But as far as I know, the only one of us named Jean is this woman, here.” He gestured to Jean Grey. “The two of them are named Jean, with a pronunciation closer to John, and I am called Jean-Luc, which has an added bit on the end. Exactly how far do your powers extend?”

The Being looked crestfallen. Their whole body seemed to droop, and their ever-present smile metamorphosed into a pout.

“Really? You’re all named...John? That’s a nice name too, of course. Reminds me a bit of a dog for some reason…”

Jean Havoc brought a hand to the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Well, you were close, I guess? It’s an easy mistake to make, what with the spelling and all.”

“Close… Close… CLOSE! Goodness, If I could summon all of you, I wonder who else I could summon, if all I need to be is close!” The Being brightened considerably, and then brightened literally. Their skin became luminous and they started to glow.

“Umm… maybe that’s not… the best idea right now?” Jean Grey said, covering her eyes with her hand to shield her eyes from the shining Being, who had now reached the level of brightness of a dim star, their luminosity steadily growing candela by candela.

“Yeah, Shitty Jean God, can you let us out of here, you fucker?!” Teen Jean agreed obscenely.

The Being seemed not to hear the Jeans’ protests, lost entirely inside their own head.

“Yes, that one, and...that one, as well, I suppose. I’m so excited! This is going to be so fun!” The Being muttered thoughtfully. They snapped their fingers again, and all at once the room grew so bright that all the Jeans had to cover their eyes lest they get blinded.

When the light faded, two more people had appeared in the room. The first was a blond man with a highly impractical hairstyle that seemed to obscure at least half of his vision. He was wearing sweatpants and a turtleneck that was pulled up over his nose. Jean Havoc noticed that what little could be seen of the man’s face was shiny with sweat, and he was wearing sneakers colored in red, yellow, and blue. He guessed that the man had been out on a jog.

The other man was short, and had dark hair in an undercut. He was wearing a burnt-orange half-jacket with a white cravat under a short green cloak with wings stylised on the back. A strange box-like mechanism was strapped to his legs. Oddly enough, the man was also holding a cup of tea (Jean Havoc spared a moment to be jealous of the man’s apparently impeccable coordination), but he was not holding the cup by the handle. Instead, the man’s hand stretched over the opening of the cup. As the Jeans watched in fascination, the man miraculously took a sip from the cup without spilling a drop.

“That… shouldn’t be possible.” Jean-Luc whispered in awe.

“L-Levi-heichou?! What the fuck?!” Teen Jean broke the spell.

“Hmph. Horse-face idiot. So you didn’t desert, after all.” The short man, apparently Levi, replied. 

Jean Grey snorted. Jean-Luc looked like he was trying very hard not to smile. Jean Havoc’s gobsmacked look had returned once more. 

“What the fuck are you all laughing at?!” Teen Jean exploded. (He didn’t actually explode, he just said something loudly and suddenly. It’s a figure of speech.)

“It’s just...Levi. It’s a type of, well, it’s...a brand of jeans.” Jean Grey chuckled. The Being, now returned to their usual non-luminous state, grinned widely.

“I knew _someone_ would appreciate the joke! I think that it’s comedy genius! I am a comedy genius! How about that?”

“Sooo, what about that guy?” Jean Havoc pointed at the man with the primary-colored sneakers and ridiculous hairstyle. “What’s his damage? How is _he_ jeans?”

“I believe that I can answer that myself.” The man in question replied. His voice was slightly muffled due to the fact that his turtleneck covered his mouth. “My name is Tsunagu Hakamada, but my codename at work is Best Jeanist.”

“That’s a shit name.” Teen Jean proclaimed. Levi grunted, as if in agreement.

“Well, it’s not as bad as it could be, for being created by a fifteen-year-old.” Best Jeanist protested. “I know people who have chosen much worse names. _Eraserhead,_ honestly…” This last part was nearly indecipherable, as the man had lowered his voice and it was still further muffled by the inconvenient turtleneck. The Being snapped their fingers once again. Everyone in the room (sans the Being) flinched.

“Well, now that we’ve finished introductions, let’s get down to why I brought you all here! Besides to have fun, of course. Ooh, I think I also might tell you how to get back home!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take another piece of crack for the road.  
> levi's cup trick actually defies the laws of physics.  
> the mysterious being may be a bit less mysterious,,, it's actually quite blatant.


	4. It's time for a fashion show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the advent of cursed knowledge~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have summarily Renamed the first two chapters because i discovered more punability. you can thank me later.

Everyone in the jean-colored room (besides the Jean-Being) looked visibly relieved. 

“So, how do we do it?” Asked Best Jeanist, scuffing his brightly colored sneakers on the floor. (Which was also denim colored, by the way) “How do we get back home?”

“It’s relatively simple, actually!” the Being replied without hesitation. “All you have to do is select something from my wardrobe, and try it on! Jeans wearing jeans...how much better could it get?” They grinned, showing off teeth that were patterned like-

Actually, no. That would be too disturbing. The Being’s teeth were teeth. Regular teeth. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Oh! One more thing! You can’t all choose the same thing! Don’t be boring, people! Everyone must try on a different garment from my fabulous wardrobe!”

“That sounds simple enough.” Jean-Luc said, turning towards the wardrobe once more. He selected a denim jacket from the front of the closet, and shrugged it on over his uniform. In a flash of light, he disappeared.

The rest of them gathered around the closet door. All the jean jackets melted away from their hooks, revealing other garments behind them. 

“Aw, damn!” said Jean Havoc. “He took the coolest one.” 

“Yes, the jacket is good for when it is chilly outside!” The Being said happily. “However, it is also quite basic. We now have some more interesting options to choose from!”

Teem Jean bent down and picked something off of the floor of the Being’s wardrobe. It appeared to be a pair of boots made out of denim. 

“Ah, I see you’ve found the jooties! A personal favorite of mine!” The Being said merrily. “You have a good eye, Jean!”

“I don’t fucking give a shit. I just want to get the fuck out of this shitty place.” Teen Jean spat, shoving the blue footwear onto his bare feet. (Where else would he wear them? Honestly. It’s not like he was going to put them on his ears or something). He, too, dissolved into light.

The rest of the jean boots disappeared from the closet as well. 

Levi hesitated a moment before standing on the tips of his toes and reaching for the top shelf of the closet. He had to do this because he is short. (According to Google, that is also why he is so hot? Who knew.) 

His fingers grasped a denim hat from the shelf and he held it out in front of himself, considering.

“The jedora! A rare find! Wonderful, Wonderful!”

Levi placed the hat on his head and vanished.

“Um, so, Jeansus?” Jean Havoc asked. “Do you not have any...regular jeans? Like, pants, I mean?” Jean Havoc was asking this because, as you may remember, he was not wearing pants. He was, in fact, still holding them in one hand. The coffee, now cooled, had been dripping onto the floor this entire time, but the floor somehow wasn’t stained. Despite this, the floor was still not very happy about having coffee dripped on it.

“Of course not! Why would I keep something so dull in my personal wardrobe? I have no need for such mundanity! I was born into existence wearing jeans, you know! I actually cannot take them off!”

Jean Grey looked slightly green at this statement. She shook her head, reached back into the closet, and pulled out what looked like a robe made of denim. That is, of course, what it was. She put it on, and evaporated. (No, she is not water. She did not enter the water cycle, and will not condense and then precipitate. It is another turn of phrase.)

“Oh! She took the jab coat, also known as the jobe! I tend to avoid that one, as it covers up too much of the body, and I can’t show off my other amazing jean accessories!” The Being spread their arms, showing off jean bangles on both wrists, as well as a jean bandanna tied around their left bicep.

The closet was starting to look quite sparse. Only a few garments remained on the hooks, and the shelves were empty. A single chest of drawers in the center of the closet had been revealed when all of the denim lab coats, robes, and cloaks disappeared after Jean Grey’s departure.

Best Jeanist hesitantly took one of the last hanging garments off of its denim-patterned hanger. It was an oversized tee-shirt patterned like a pair of jeans, complete with a zipper and button on the collar and two pockets where the sleeves met the body of the shirt, and another two pockets where the wearer’s shoulder blades would be.

“The jee-shirt! It’s quite a unique piece of clothing. All those pockets, very versatile! Perfect for a day out with friends!” 

A discernible heart formed in Best Jeanist’s one visible eye, and he reverently donned the shirt. A flash of light, and only Jean Havoc and the Being remained.

The closet was empty.

Or was it?

The chest of drawers remained in the middle of the closet. It looked strangely threatening. Jean Havoc slowly brought his hand up to the knob of the drawer. His fingers closed over it. He pulled the drawer open. What lay inside was-

“NOOOOOO!!”

A single garment lay, deceptively innocently, inside the drawer. It was almost too horrifying to describe. It- 

No, it was not _almost_ too horrifying to describe, it _was_ too horrifying to describe. You shall only be left with the name of this cursed garment.

“Ahhhh… the **junderpants**.” Even the Being shuddered. Jean Havoc went pale.

“You can’t mean- I have to- I don’t think I can-” he stuttered out.

“I… am truly sorry, Jean.” The Being said mournfully. “But this is the only way that you can get home.”

Jean Havoc shook. His eyes rolled back into his head. It looked like he was about to have a seizure. Even so, his trembling hands picked up the demonic fabric and brought it down to his feet. He stepped one foot inside the leg hole. He let out a terrible scream. The Being looked on in despair.

Soldiers at East Command would for years tell stories about Jean Havoc’s most creative excuse for being late to work. 

“I heard he had a mental break after spilling coffee on the floor.”

“Yeah, that Lieutenant Hawkeye’s a scary one, isn’t she?”

“Really? I heard that he strangled himself with his own pants!”

“That’s ridiculous. Nobody can strangle themselves with their own pants.”

“But I heard he did it! I swear it’s true!”

“Drop it, Private.”

Jean Havoc did not, in fact, strangle himself with his own pants. He did not have a mental break after spilling coffee on the floor, either. Well, in a way, the mental break did happen after he spilled coffee on the floor, but the errant beverage was not the cause of the break. The cause was nothing other than a pair of amboniable underpants.

When Jean Havoc reappeared in the hallway, lying in a puddle of spilled coffee, the first thing he did was rip the accursed attire off from himself. The second thing he did was run outside, and proceed to scream his freedom to the entire city. He still was not wearing pants.

The other’s returns were far less eventful. Jean-Luc Picard continued his stroll to the bridge. Jean Grey managed to salvage her experiment. (Nothing exploded! Yay!). Best Jeanist resumed his jog.

Jean Kirstein returned to his bedding with muffled cursing and kicked off the blanket. He stepped outside, noting with annoyance that he was still wearing the ridiculous denim boots. Levi stood in the morning air, jedora still upon his head.

“Aren’t you going to get rid of that shitty thing?” Jean asked, gesturing towards the hat.

“What thing? Kirstein, I do hope that you are not commenting on my fashion sense. Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and all that.” Levi drawled with a pointed glance towards Jean’s disheveled appearance.

“But heichou, it’s not-” Levi glared. Jean gulped. He turned, and went back inside.

If anyone made any comments on Levi’s new head adornment, they were quickly shut down. By the end of the day, word was that Levi had always worn a denim hat, just like he had always worn his cravat or those really pointy boots. (Which _definitely_ were not lifts. Even implying such a thing could get you killed.)

In another dimension, a Being was satisfied. There were more jeans in the multiverse. There were Jeans wearing jeans in the multiverse. They had completed what they had set out to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeansus christ this thing is over. perhaps my brain will give me a break. or maybe it will just break. catch me making more bad puns put behind the high school's gym. they're 8 bucks a pop, kiddo, better pay up (jk jk i work for free~~)  
> in other news, if levi does not wear a hat i will riot

**Author's Note:**

> hee haa hoo haa hee huuu  
> 


End file.
